Christian Death Metal

Christian Death Metal Tom loved heavy metal music but his mother was a stickler for the whole “heavy metal is satanic” thing so he pretty much had to keep it hidden. We used to buy metal cassette tapes (before CD’s were super popular) and Tom would scrape off the lettering so it would just look like a blank tape. Occasionally his mother would grab a tape and listen, that would usually result in us not seeing Tom for a couple weeks and at least one horror story about getting beaten with her favorite riding crop. Since she didn’t own a horse I can only assume that her and Tom’s step dad had some form of super-repressed kinky sex life. Eddie and I used to muse about that and make ourselves shiver at the thoughts/images that came up.

When I found out Tom was getting shipped off to South America to help Amway bring Pyramids to the Brazilians I had a great idea. I would get him a bunch of Christian Death Metal tapes. That way he could enjoy metal and appease his mother. There was a Christian book store near my place so I went to check it out. The first shocking thing I noticed was that they had ‘listening’ copies of all the music just sitting on the table beside a cassette player. Also it was the first time I had been in a store and not gotten followed around by suspicious staff (I had a mohawk and 20 hole doc martin boots).

I figured this was too good to be true, and since it was a Christian book store if I got caught stealing I could just beg for forgiveness. So I loaded up on all the tapes, popped them in my bag and headed off. I did have to remove the ‘listening copy’ stickers off the covers once I got home but a cup of hot water and a paper towel made quick work of that. Then I sat down and took a listen to the music. It was awesome!! It was like the bands got a free pass on lyrics, they just used bits from the old testament and screamed them into a microphone.

The next day I gave Tom his gift. He was so excited since he was leaving in two days and his mother had found his current stash of tapes and threw them away. Tom called me that night and said he wouldn’t be able to see Eddie or I again and that his mother decided that Christian Death metal was just as subversive as the standard fare so she threw all of the tapes away and grounded him.

At least I tried…

26 thoughts on “Christian Death Metal

  1. Dude, his mom should go online and look at the lyrics. then she’d be fine with ’em. I have to say, Christian death metal is probably the best music ever. My favorite bands are Demon Hunter, The Devil Wears Prada, Blessed by a Broken Heart, Bloodlined Calligraphy, East West, and Jerusalem.

    1. Dude, you’re an idiot. It’s not metal because it’s being played by Christians? That makes no sense at all. There are plenty of Christian death metal bands that are just as hard-core as the non-Christian bands. And think of Megadeth…not a Christian band, but Dave Mustaine has claimed that he is Christian.

  2. These Christian parents raise some of the most fucked up kids in world. And what they dont understand is the whole church thing is what meeses them up. Poor Tom will probably grow up to be gay and kill cats just for fun. Thanks alot Tom’s mom, you stupid bitch!!!

  3. man that sucks for this guy
    and singing “Jesus loves the little children” even though you are screaming it, doesn’t make it metal

    but haha, i CAN listen to metal!
    MAGGOT FOR LIFE!!

  4. I don’t see anything wrong with Christian Death Metal except that well… worshiping an imaginary man in the sky is bullshit! Either way tho, as long as you can’t understand what they’re saying and the riffs are dope I say “why not?”.

    Really, Christian Extremists are just as bad as Islamic Extremists, they all need to die.

  5. you guys are fucking stupid cristian death metal is just as good as regular death metal just because there praising god doesnt not make it death metal as long as it has tasty riffs and brutal screaming its death metal

  6. have no prob with christian death, man.

    i’m a christian, but i don’t rly care what my music says. BUT i’d muchly prefer if my death metal don’t curse my God.

  7. Death metal is hardcore metal about morbid subjects. Death metal is a subgenre of hardcore so stop reffering to it as “death metal” it’s hardcore metal or just metal.

    Also, that sucks.

  8. I’m not Christian but whoever thinks christian death metal isn’t metal go back to Greenday and Lincoln Park.. And stay there.

    Lyrics don’t make the genre.

  9. First of all, I really feel for this guy. I hate it when parents (and people in general) assume that all heavy metal is satanic or evil, it’s really not, not even death metal. You don’t have to listen to christian metal to find bands with meaningful lyrics, they’re out there, you just have to go out with an open mind and discover it. Besides, the more “extream” end of death metal bands (like Deicide and Cannibal Corpse) are toung-in-cheek and don’t really mean what they say. Hell, Slayer’s lead singer is Catholic. If a band as infamous as Slayer can have a christian front-man, anything is possible!

    …But anyway, I wanted to respond to some of the other comments left below:

    “Christian death metal is probably the best music ever. My favorite bands are Demon Hunter, The Devil Wears Prada, Blessed by…”

    None of those bands you listed are christian death metal, they’re metalcore, very different.

    “but haha, i CAN listen to metal!
    MAGGOT FOR LIFE!!”
    -Gearsmonkeybutt207

    Dude, Slipknot is gay and not metal. Listen to some REAL shit.

    “yea except chistian extremists dont go blow people up for not being christian you idiot”
    -oblivionspawn

    Yeah, except when it’s an gay bar or an abortion clinic…

    Asshole.

  10. All religious music is terrible. And death metal is terrible too. Christian death metal is the kinds thing that would make the universe implode.

    Anyway, that kid’s mum is fucking stupid. Not only for being a bible basher but raising her kid so shittily.

  11. impending doom is sick as fuck but other than that christian metal blows ass. and tdwp is just some scene fuck metal band.
    fuckin death metal for life!!!!!!!!
    l
    l
    l
    l
    lllllllll
    l
    l

  12. Uhm, what’s more hardcore than Christianity? Jesus DIED and rose again. That’s some crazy stuff. Just ’cause he loves children (like any father) doesn’t make Him a pansy. Wake up and check your spelling before posting. There are awesome Christian Metal bands out there. And yes, lyrics do not make the genre. Anyone can kill cats and scream about hating themselves, or how Satan is their lapdog. Takes guts to have real passion. Oh, and “the Christian Wrestler”, seriously, this was the 80’s, don’t think Mom had access to the internet…

    1. jesus was not metal at all. dieing and rising again is only slightly metal…. slightly. even more metal than jesus though is god. in the story of the bible god can be seen commanding people to rape and kill many, the bible even inspired hitler and the KKK to kill people just for being different than them, not to mention the knights templar who just killed anyone in their way. the way i see it is the god of the bible is even more metal than its “evil” representative satan. satan is a fucking pansy compared to god, what did satan do? oh he just tempts people? well god creates seas of blood kills your first born son randomly, causes hurricanes to kill nonbelievers and believers both by the thousands, he will kill your entire family and take everything you have and force you to live with it just to prove a point to satan, he even tells you to kill your son sometimes hell he even killed his own son, just so he could see any value in people at all. and it was his sons idea, otherwise he would have just slaughtered you all…..(or so the story goes) so i could say christians can be metal, its just alot of em try to pretend their god is a force of morality and good. “jesus died for your sins so you could go to heaven but only if you put blind faith in him” is a not so metal part of the bible. “and then god killed job’s entire family and his entire herd only leaving job alive to face the horrors god bestowed, and god did this only to prove a point.” (although a note here god dosent want you to tempt him or tell him what to do but he lets satan do it all the time as you can see in the job incident.) so the argument id have to go in favor of christianity being metal only if its not a bunch of the people who like to pretend god isent even more evil than satan. we forget people that metal is a thing of brutality and power, of vengefulness and wrath.

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