Tom loved heavy metal music but his mother was a stickler for the whole “heavy metal is satanic” thing so he pretty much had to keep it hidden. We used to buy metal cassette tapes (before CD’s were super popular) and Tom would scrape off the lettering so it would just look like a blank tape. Occasionally his mother would grab a tape and listen, that would usually result in us not seeing Tom for a couple weeks and at least one horror story about getting beaten with her favorite riding crop. Since she didn’t own a horse I can only assume that her and Tom’s step dad had some form of super-repressed kinky sex life. Eddie and I used to muse about that and make ourselves shiver at the thoughts/images that came up.
When I found out Tom was getting shipped off to South America to help Amway bring Pyramids to the Brazilians I had a great idea. I would get him a bunch of Christian Death Metal tapes. That way he could enjoy metal and appease his mother. There was a Christian book store near my place so I went to check it out. The first shocking thing I noticed was that they had ‘listening’ copies of all the music just sitting on the table beside a cassette player. Also it was the first time I had been in a store and not gotten followed around by suspicious staff (I had a mohawk and 20 hole doc martin boots).
I figured this was too good to be true, and since it was a Christian book store if I got caught stealing I could just beg for forgiveness. So I loaded up on all the tapes, popped them in my bag and headed off. I did have to remove the ‘listening copy’ stickers off the covers once I got home but a cup of hot water and a paper towel made quick work of that. Then I sat down and took a listen to the music. It was awesome!! It was like the bands got a free pass on lyrics, they just used bits from the old testament and screamed them into a microphone.
The next day I gave Tom his gift. He was so excited since he was leaving in two days and his mother had found his current stash of tapes and threw them away. Tom called me that night and said he wouldn’t be able to see Eddie or I again and that his mother decided that Christian Death metal was just as subversive as the standard fare so she threw all of the tapes away and grounded him.
At least I tried…