The Remote

The Remote My brother had just moved out of the house with his new girlfriend and wanted to get a TV. Since he knew my friends pretty well he asked me to see how much it would cost for a TV through non-traditional channels. This idea did not go over well with her, but being young and just getting started in life budget was a big issue so she relented.

I love my brother so I wanted to make sure he got a nice TV. All the ones at our High School were 20” and that wasn’t really big enough. That took Tyler and Mike out of the game as they had a principal around only stealing from institutions and big businesses not from actual people (aka homes). I would have asked Kurt but he only stole for himself.

What I needed was a lower level criminal that had less moral qualms. Enter Rat Face. Rat Face came from a family of crime, his father was always in and out of jail and often would appear in the mall to say a quick hello as he evaded a warrant. Once he arrived at the mall,  handed us 10 debit cards, told us to try random pin numbers said good luck and disappeared. Three days later the cops found him (warrant for break and enter) and he went back to jail. Oh yeah, we didn’t get any of the pin numbers right so that was a write off as well.

Rat Face said he could get a 32” TV for a couple hundred bucks and told me to stop by in three days to an apartment in Westminster Towers and pick it up. He liked to do break and enters during the day since no one was usually home. It was more risky because he would have to wander down the street in daylight carrying a TV but he said that was better that getting confronted by an angry homeowner in the middle of the night. Now Rat Face was a small stocky boy at about 5’5” and this was not a flat panel TV so I still don’t know how he managed to get it out of the house by himself and traverse the 15 or so blocks back to the apartment. When I picked it up, my brother and I both had to carry it and it barely fit into the back seat of our car.

The crime went off without a hitch until he got back to the apartment and realized that he forgot the remote control. This was not the first time he made that mistake and the last time he lost half the value since the buyer refused to pay full price without the remote. So he had to go all they way back to the house (very risky) break back in and take the remote. A smarter man might have just gone to a TV store and asked for a replacement but this was not a smarter man.

That TV lasted for many years and actually stayed with my brothers girlfriend long after their relationship ended. She always wondered whether Karma might bite her for buying stolen goods, it didn’t.

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