Petty-Pro Pattern #1

R&D A few years of impromptu crime had taught Tyler and Eddie a valuable lesson. If you are going to embark on any endeavor take the time to do it properly. This realization along with the daring thefts of our friend Kurt would eventually force the school to install over 50 surveillance cameras. But that was at the end of our last year and by then the boys had moved on to even more profitable crimes anyway. They did ruin it for all the upcoming petty thieves.

The Saturday was going along pretty normally, we were shuttling between the front of the school (smoking and skateboarding) and the mall food court (smoking and drinking coffee).  Eddie came and sat with us at the school and I asked him where Tyler was;

Eddie: “Around”
Me: “Around where”
Eddie: “Somewhere”
Me: “Fuck you Eddie”
Eddie: “Fuck you too, asshole”

Then we heard a loud bang of a door slamming and Tyler emerged from the school and sauntered up the steps to where we were sitting.

Me: “Eddie just told me what you were doing in the school…it’s awesome!”
Tyler: “Fuck you Eddie!! Yeah I was running some tests”
Eddie Protests: “I didn’t tell him shit”
Me: “Too late now you have to tell me!”

Tyler and Eddie had been breaking into the school twice a week for a month and triggering the silent alarm so they could get an average response time. Turns out the alarm would notify the head janitor who would then come to school from across town. Once there he would figure out which doors got triggered and see if anything was stolen. If nothing was stolen he would head home otherwise he would call the cops. He also always entered through the same door and parked in the same spot.

Average janitor response time: 25 min
Average time for janitor to discover missing items: 15 min
Average police response time once called: 30 min

So based on this they figured out that 15 min was their goal time inside the school which would let them be well on their way by the time the janitor arrived and safely back in Eddie’s basement sifting through the loot by the time the cops showed up.

Because the cops took pretty much 1:10 to arrive there was almost no chance of getting caught. Even the few times they cut it close, they always exited the school at the opposite end the janitor came in at (which by the way he never adjusted the door he came in at even after he must have noticed which door they always left through).

One wonders if they had put the same effort into homework that they did into crimes…well they both turned out pretty successfully so maybe it was the right call.

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